Sunday, February 19, 2012

beyond the sweet thoughts

As a cloistered heart, I spend a lot of time at the grille.  There is a good reason for this.  As one desiring to see and respond to every person and every situation through the "grillwork of the will of God," I am called to face life through the grille at every moment.  The grille is a place of separation and of connection.  If I were not called to encounter the world, there would be no reason for grillwork; I may as well (in that case) be enclosed only in walls. 

Ah, but responding to life as God asks me to in Scripture and Church teaching - that is far from easy.  In 1991, I wrote to a cloistered nun about my struggle.  "God's will is my 'cloister grille,'" I said then.  "Such a sweet, charming thought!  You and I both know that if my will and God's will are always the same, then that statement remains nothing BUT a sweet, charming thought.  God's will in its varied manifestations is not always so attractive to me, and my feelings just love to rebel and send me beating my unsurrendered fists against the grillwork with pleas to let me out..."