Sunday, April 10, 2016

On the Edge of My Knowing

Photo Attribution: Kitaev Hermitage. Click for link.

In a recent dream, I found myself in an urban neighborhood at dusk, making my way across back yards crammed with people. The yards were narrow strips of land belonging to detached rowhouses standing side by side. The people appeared to be waiting for something; perhaps a baseball game, or fireworks on the fourth of July. Some seemed irritated. Sounds of traffic surrounded us all.

My trek from yard to yard was halted when I reached a building extending farther back than the others. It looked like any other building, but I knew it was a church. There was an entrance facing me; a small, humble, very plain side door. I opened it and stepped inside.

The interior was larger than I expected. Dark, cool, with walls and floors of deep reds and browns.  Every surface gleamed with a warm patina, like stones worn smooth by years of prayer.

The overall sense was of a cavern, one lit only with candles. Small clusters of burning white tapers kept vigil along the long walls.

By now it was dark outside, and I knew the people were still out there, still packed in, still noisy, still waiting. From inside, however, I could no longer hear them. There were no more sounds of traffic. I knew only silence, and subtle scents of incense and beeswax, and a gently growing awareness of someone here, on the edge of my knowing.

I had thought I was alone, all by myself in this silent church. Yet now I knew an unseen sense of Presence.

He was in this place; of course He was.  I'd only needed to come away for a moment from the noise, so I could hear Him. I needed to be where His silence filled the air.

He had been waiting for me to stop and listen.

He had been waiting all along.

"I have a secret dwelling place, a sanctuary closed to the world and occupied by God alone, where I can always say 'O my God! I belong to You!' Neither afflictions, nor tempests, nor the clamour of the world, can tear me away from this secret abode, from this hidden Sanctuary where I can always converse with God, in a mysterious friendship which is the beginning of Heaven." (The Living Pyx of Jesus, Pelligrini, 1941, p. 95) 

'To be with God it is not necessary to be always in church. We may make a chapel of our heart, whereto to escape from time to time to talk with Him quietly, humbly and lovingly.... Begin then; perhaps He is waiting for a single generous resolution.' (Brother Lawrence)  

'We are, each of us, a Living Cathedral. Each is his own chapel. And provided we are in a state of grace, God lives and dwells within us… we must live and act as if we were dwelling in a church in the presence of the Tabernacle.” (The Living Pyx of Jesus)

Photo: Kitaev Hermitage. Click for full attribution.


  1. always...sharing to twitter.

  2. Nancy this is so wonderful. I want to share with you that yesterday, as I was driving home from my parents' home, a 2-hour very lovely drive during which I usually listen to classical music, my car radio stopped working. I tried and tried to get it to work, and then I heard it and felt it: He wanted time with me in silence. I immediately stopped trying the radio, and I spent a perfectly wonderful and companionable two hours in silent prayer and conversation with my Lord. Lovely, lovely, lovely.


    1. Lovely, indeed!!! Thank you so much for sharing this, Sabrina. (is your radio fine now? ;) ?)

    2. It is fully operational again Nancy, quite magically!

  3. Beautiful hopeful words! Yes, no matter, He is always with us. Thank you!

  4. This is very beautiful, Nancy, and I believe, a call to me too to retreat more from the harried waiting of the world into the inner cloister where my Savior awaits. I'm thinking I should make myself little prayer cards with my favourite verses that draw me away from the world. Years and years ago, I used to work in a place where a little church was a couple of squeaks away. How often I found myself there! But it's a different story now, and yet, through you, He is calling me to bring those years back through the inner cloister.

    1. Caitlynne Grace, thank you. I love the idea of cards with favorite verses... great for someone like me, who needs reminders plastered ON EVERY WALL.


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