Doors I Cannot Open

The ideas haven't been half bad. I've imagined a hallway lined with doors, and each door leads to a room that opens into other hallways, and every hallway leads to more doors, and these are some of the chambers we find ourselves in as we journey toward living more fully for God.

I've given a few of the rooms' "working titles," all subject to change. There is the cushy room and the cluttered room and the Chamber of Secrets. There's Pinch 'Em Tight Hall and The Room of Windows and The Clue in the Attic (it may or may not be an asset that I grew up reading Nancy Drew).

Writing about these, I thought, could be a Lenten project. I've been collecting (for each room) scriptures, and quotes from saints, and experiences from my own life.

And then I started to write. Which led not to doors or rooms, but right smack dab into a wall.

I'm still at the wall, actually. It's not quite as bad now that I'm telling you about it, now that I'm bringing it out into the open and saying GOSH I'm having a struggle writing this. And I'm not sure why.

Is it that I have "writer's block?" Well, I do appear to have a case of it, but I don't know that this is the root of my inability to get words to paper screen. I think it's more likely that the block is a symptom of something more basic.

What could be the something-more-basic? Is it not having enough time to devote to this "project?" No, I've had plenty of time since Lent began.

But of course, devoting myself to this project is not my goal. My devotion should be to God, and God alone.

Maybe with that thought, I'm getting closer to the difficulty.

Is the struggle because I'm not taking enough time for prayer? Ah ha. That certainly must come first, every time and all the time, or I'm just spinning my spiritual wheels. If prayer is not the foundation, then I cannot "hear" from God, and I'm trying to open doors through my own power.

And with that thought, I am getting closer still.

So I will leave you for this time around, and go pray. I'll publish this post and immediately take an extra bit of prayer time. Yes, right now, I promise.

And next time we meet here, I'll let you know if I've seen GOD opening a door....


Text not in quotes © 2015 Nancy Shuman.  All Rights Reserved.
thecloisteredheart.org   



Photo on this post from Pixabay

My Abandoned Lights

Journeying ever more deeply into the will of God, I find doors and rooms and hallways I had not expected. One of these is what I'll call the room of abandoned lights.

What I think of as "my abandoned lights" are various ideas I embraced over the years, attitudes I once considered enlightening and empowering. In time, those lights proved to be no light at all.  

Some of these un-lights were initially dazzling. They appealed to my broadmindedness, that modern version of "sanctity" that basks in its politically corrected glow. There was no pesky death-to-self in the world of my abandoned lights. The Cross was not part of the scene. 'There is a way that seems right to a man, but the end of it leads to death.' (Proverbs 14:12)

By the grace of God, I cast my unlights aside when I met the One Who is Light Himself.   In time, I even began to feel that a large part of the task of a "cloistered heart" is to Carry the Fire  into darkness, as well as into areas of "artificial light." 

"We can make the mistake of trying to make hard truths so palatable," writes Dan Burke at Catholic Spiritual Direction, "that we end up presenting half-truths or even worse, untruths (implied or actual).... Yes, we can and must say 'come as you are'; but we must also proclaim that the God of Love who meets us where we are, loves us too much to leave us there.  He calls us to union with Him, where we will find the Truth that sets us free to know and live an abundant life in Him." 

For a look at some of the un-light we can be tempted to follow, check out this excellent link:

How the Carmelites Rescued Me From the New Age, by Anabelle Hazard  

"God is light; in Him there is no darkness." (1 John 1:5)

"The revelation of Your words sheds light, giving understanding to the simple." (Psalm 119:130)

Text not in quotes © 2015 Nancy Shuman.  All Rights Reserved.
thecloisteredheart.org   




 Painting: John Frederick Peto, Door with Lanterns

Nothing Short of a Celebration

Each time I say a deeper yes to God, I battle thoughts about what to expect. Will a giant cavern suddenly open up beneath my feet? Will I be asked to hike barefoot through burning deserts?

I really should know better by now.

Funny that I seldom consider (when I'm uttering deeper yeses) the truth that God's will is always for my good. This does not mean that difficult circumstances won't pop up from time to time, for of course they shall. But they will do so with or without my yes to God. The truth is: God showers me with blessings. I may not always recognize them as such, but the blessings are abundant. Jesus is with me, and nothing can pull Him from my heart. I possess the very satisfaction that all are seeking and that no one can really find without finding Him. 

I know I say it over and over (no doubt because I need to hear it over and over), but every time I step more deeply toward God, I am met with nothing short of a celebration. Whether or not I can "tell this" from my earthly perspective, it is in fact what is happening. 

I really should know that by now. 

"I know well the plans I have for you, says the Lord; plans for your welfare, not for woe!  Plans to give you a future full of hope.”  (Jeremiah 29:11) 

"Freed from the heavy burden of my own will, I may breathe freely under the light load of love.”  (St. Bernard of Clairvaux)

“The height of loving ecstasy is when our will rests not in its own contentment, but in God’s will.” (St. Francis de Sales) 

“I am the Gate. Whoever enters through Me WILL BE SAFE.” (Jesus, quoted in John 10:9)


Painting: Jules Cyrille Cave, The Flower Girl,1897

Text not in quotes © 2015 Nancy Shuman.  All Rights Reserved.
thecloisteredheart.org   


 

By Holy Inspirations

'We are not drawn to God 
by iron chains, 
but by sweet attractions 
and holy inspirations.'

St. Francis de Sales













Painting: De Scott Evans, Lady with a Lute 

In This Land of Doors

Looking back over our last few posts, I find myself wondering.

Why are we at the door again? 

It seems I'm constantly buzzing around the doorway. I am always pondering that definitive step of surrender to God's will, and always emphasizing the fact that this is the only way into our "enclosure."

Goodness. I write and wonder and muse and analyze and analogize and write some more.

But do I ever go through?

Thinking about this today, I realized. It's true that I'm almost always at a doorway.

It's just never the same door twice.

Having given my yes to God, I am inside the door and I'm inside the "enclosure" of His will. I have made a decision, and I'm remaining (hopefully, by His grace) cloistered therein.

But I don't step into His will once and for all, then settle down inside the doorway and just stand there. There are doorways after doorways, there is hall after hall. There are doors that open onto stairways that lead to hallways that lead to more doors.

Living in the land of God's will is living in a land of doorways. My yes to God is not a one time event. That first yes led into a rather spacious hallway, and then I was called toward another door, off of which was a narrower hallway... and on and on.

Cloister of the heart is not a static 'place;' it is a land of journeying. I turn away from sin and give my heart to Jesus, then say yes to the revealed boundaries of God's will, then say a deeper yes at various points when that commitment is tested. I go through a narrower door each time I choose to live totally, not just partly, for God. I come to base my choices of lifestyle and activities on what He asks of me, not on popular culture. I accept His grace to stand for Him in the face of opposition. I learn to choose His will on happy days and sad, in sickness and in health.

Yes, I am at the door again. Why? Because I want to live "enclosed in the will of God," and mine is an enclosure of ever deepening yeses. By the grace of God, I have embarked upon a long, grand adventure, living for Him in this land of doors.

"I am ready at each beckoning of Your holy will." (St. Faustina)

"What was the first rule of our dear Savior's life?... to do His Father's will... Well then, the first end I propose in our daily work is to do the will of God; secondly, to do it in the manner He wills it; and thirdly, to do it because it is His will." (St. Elizabeth Ann Seton)

Painting: Vilhelm Hammershøi

Text not in quotes © 2015 Nancy Shuman.  All Rights Reserved.
thecloisteredheart.org