Just Show Up

I have been wondering what it must be like for a nun, committed to regular prayer in her choir stall, on those days when she just doesn't want to show up.

Surely there are such days.  Being made of the same flesh as every other human being, certainly nuns and monks face times when they feel low, under the weather, distracted, or just not in the mood to pray right now.  Like the rest of us, they can sometimes feel dry; disconnected.  

"It's encouraging that even this imperfect, distracted, dutiful prayer is valuable to the Lord and allows Him to work in our lives,"  writes Ralph Martin.  "As St. Teresa of Avila puts it:  'after I had made this effort, I found myself left with greater quiet and delight than sometimes when I had the desire to pray.'  Teresa witnesses to the fact that even if we are not fully attentive in our prayer, little by little, even imperfect prayer will change us.  Simply 'showing up'  for prayer time evidences our desire to be with the Lord.  Even though sometimes it seems that we are more there physically than spiritually, our desire allows Him to draw us closer.  Even if our prayer doesn't seem to be bearing fruit on the level of our conscious intellect, it may very well bear fruit on the level of strengthening our will."  (Ralph Martin, The Fulfillment of All Desire, Emmaus Road Publishing, Steubenville, 2006, p. 284)

"Even if our prayer doesn't seem to be bearing fruit on the level of our conscious intellect, it may very well bear fruit on the level of strengthening our will." 

Our friend Jane's will was surely strengthened by the following experience, which she wrote of in a 1997 letter:  "I was feeling very discouraged with myself for not feeling a greater love for Jesus.  Theoretically I knew the 'feeling' is a gift from Him and not an indication of our actual love.  But still I was concerned that I just didn't love Him enough. Then I came across something St. Gertrude had written about experiencing the same fear.  She complained to Him that her heart was just a 'block of ice.'  That struck me especially as how I felt exactly -  a frozen block of ice.  In my case, just a little chip.  I couldn't get that idea out of my mind.  It gradually became clear to me that this world is really a dry, burning desert in which Jesus searches unendingly for souls.  I implored Him, since I was just a block of ice, to pick me up and press me to His lips.  When the fire of His love melted me, to please drink the water formed by it... in that way, I would be able to refresh Him and quench His thirst.  That thought filled me with such joy, I went around all day rejoicing that I was indeed a block of ice, for as long as I am totally at His disposal, I can refresh Him.  Now when I recognize that He is keeping consolations from me, I just smile to myself - knowing that as long as I trust Him patiently, my piece of ice will bring Him greater joy by my submission to His will.'  (Jane)

"Little by little, even imperfect prayer will change us."   

Thanks be to God, this is true.  As long as we just show up.   

Painting of nun: Paul E. Harney
Painting of women in church:  Wilhelm Leibl, 1882   



To return to the 'Monastic Adventure in Sequence' post, click here 

The Portable Choir Stall

'We are convinced, in fact, 

that God is always everywhere.  

We work while singing, 

we sail while reciting hymns; 

we accomplish
all other occupations of life while praying.'

St. Clement of Alexandria 

Painting:  John Singer Sargent, On his Holidays, in US public domain due to age




To look more into our choir stalls, click this line 

The Interior Choir Stall

'Pray perseveringly, be attentive to prayer, and pray in a spirit of thanksgiving.' (Colossians 4:2)

"Enter His gates with thanksgiving, His courts with praise; give thanks to Him, bless His Name."  (Psalm 100:4)

"Rejoice always, never cease praying, render constant thanks; such is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."  (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18)

"I will bless the Lord at all times; His praise shall be ever in my mouth."  (Psalm 34:2)

"I will praise You as long as I live."  (Psalm 63:5)

"Continually offer to Him a sacrifice of praise."  (Hebrews 13:15)

"Let my soul live to praise You."  (Psalm 119:175) 

“Every day will I bless You, and I will praise Your Name forever and ever." (Psalm 146:2)

"Present your needs to God in very form of prayer and in petitions full of gratitude.  Then God's own peace, which is beyond all understanding, will stand guard over your hearts and minds, in Christ Jesus."  (Philippians 4: 6-7)

Painting:  John White Alexander, Juliette 1897

This post is part of our "New Cloistered Adventure."  For an explanation of what that means, click this line.   


To look at our portable choir stalls, click this line 

A View From My Choir Stall

From the monastery tower, a bell rings.  There is a familiar swish of habits, the sliding of soft soles across floors, a quiet rustle of Breviaries opening and pages being turned.  Sisters move to their places without hesitation.  No one wonders where to go today, for once choir stalls have been assigned, they are easily remembered.  A nun prays in the same one numerous times a day, seven days a week.

Looking over photos of choir stalls the last few days, I've been struck by how different they are from one to another.  Some are carved and ornate.  Some are simple and bare.  And a few look decidedly uncomfortable! 

Choir stalls have normally been built to fit the purpose, the spaces, and even the times in which they were designed.  Yet one thing remains the same, always.  These are places made for praying.  These are locations where a soul comes to meet with God.

I've been thinking that, in some ways, the externals of our individual lives resemble choir stalls.  Having been made for communication with God, we do that communicating within the surroundings in which we find ourselves at any given time.  Much about these surroundings is assigned to us (our families, our health). 

Our surroundings change as years go by.  Just as those in a monastery have different stalls assigned to them from time to time (in some monasteries this change occurs yearly), we find the circumstances in which we live shifting.  In some seasons of our lives, we are robust, active, healthy.  In others, we may be decidedly uncomfortable.  Some days we come to prayer cradled in spiritual consolation.  On others, our prayer feels stark and dusty and dry.

Fortunately, lives of prayer are entirely portable.  When our "choir stall assignments" shift, our prayer can be molded to fit into the changing circumstances.  We can pray in the silence of a Church, and we can pray while we're diapering a newborn.  We can be prayerful single persons, wives, dads, grandparents.

Our surroundings correspond to the life-demands and even to the times in which we find ourselves.  Yet one thing remains the same, always.

We were created for communion with God. Just like choir stalls, we have been made for praying.

Whatever our circumstances at any given time, we can be seated in a place of prayer.   

Some of our other reflections on The Choir Stall (click on lines to view):

A Portable Choir Stall

It's a Start

What Gifts did I Miss Today? 

A Litany of Attentions

Opportunity Rings

Text © Nancy Shuman, thecloisteredheart.org

To look into our interior choir stalls, click this line

The Choir Stall. Where Are You?

"I will sing and chant praise…" (Psalm 57:8)

Those who live the monastic life spend hours every day in their "choir stalls."  These are the chairs awaiting them in chapel.  
 
Morning, midday, afternoon, evening, just before bedtime… here the monks or nuns return throughout the day to pray the monastic hours.  During such times they chant praise, participate in Mass, pray with Scripture.  They pray communally in their choir stalls, and they pray individually.  

Life in the monastery is, in effect, life in a choir stall.  Prayer, after all, is the central activity of every monastic day.  

Monks or nuns go faithfully to their choir stalls when they sense Our Lord's presence and when their spiritual lives feel barren and dry.  They come when they have headaches, when they're fatigued, when they'd much rather be strolling out in the garden, and when they've had to interrupt work to keep this appointment with God.  

Choir stalls come in various shapes and styles.  We will look at a few of these differences in our next post, and at what our own interior choir stalls might look like during different seasons of our lives.   

In the meantime, I think of how often I'm found missing from my "choir stall."  My interior one is absolutely portable; I don't even have to leave my chair or stop cooking dinner to keep appointments with God.  

I wonder.  Does God ever look at my empty "choir stall" ... at the prayer opportunities He is presenting, or at my moments of unanswered inspiration.... and ask me:

"but where are you.....?" 

A link to help us answer His call to prayer: The Divine Office.  Pray with the whole Church.



To look at OUR choir stalls, click this line