the grille-gaze

Another e-mail from my friend Joy brings me right back to the “grille.”  

“I strive to not let myself get caught up in all of the negativity of the world - the hopelessness - the fear of the future... I think when we focus too much on the circumstances of what is going on around us, we become like Peter when he was called by Jesus to get out of the boat and walk to Him.  As long as he kept his gaze on Jesus he was fine, but when he glanced away at the sea and the storm and the salty waves all around, he started to sink with fear and despair.  I must remind myself constantly to keep my eyes locked onto Jesus, knowing that He is in control, and not get flustered with the circumstances that I am living in and walking through.  I have not quite mastered this and it is easier said than done, but it is my hope and prayer…” - Joy

“Lord, help me to direct myself to everything in an ordered love, diverting my gaze from the world, and turning it toward heaven….” (St. Bernard)

“Lord God, may Your will be my grillwork, Your gospels the bars in which I am enclosed and through which I will view each circumstance of this day.”(from The Cloistered Heart book)

curling up in a book

I know what it’s like to curl up with a good book.  I also know the joy of curling up WITHIN one, nestling into a volume and living inside its pages, carrying its atmosphere with me for days and months thereafter. 

Which is why I choose my books very, very carefully. 

As a cloistered heart, desiring to view all things through the "grillwork of the will of God," I don't want just anything to form my outlook. Like a child imitating the grownups around her, I want to model my attitudes and actions on the genuinely holy "grownups in the Faith" who have left a legacy of words. I pray to see as they have seen, to grow as they have grown…

"In the midst of these natural fears, a strong thought took possession of my heart: ‘Ah, how good it would be to be able to imitate St. Paul and to see myself in fetters for the love of Jesus, who was bound for me...’  This sweet thought prevailed so strongly in my soul that I desired those chains more than I feared captivity….we never find crosses, nails, or thorns in the midst of which, if we look closely, we do not find Jesus Christ… When I saw myself surrounded by murderous waves, by infinite forests, and by a thousand dangers, there came to my mind that precious saying of St. Ignatius the Martyr: ‘today I begin to be the disciple of Christ.’  For what do so many exercises, so many fervent meditations, so many eager desires avail?  All these are nothing but wind if we do not put them into practice.’"  (Paul Le Jeune, quoted in Jesuit Missionaries to North America by Francois Roustang SJ, Ignatius Press, 2006, pp. 100-101)

"I keep going forward bravely - though my feet become wounded - to my homeland and, on the way, I nourish myself on the will of God.  It is my food.  Help me, happy inhabitants of the heavenly homeland, so that your sister may not falter on the way." (St. Faustina Kowalska, Divine Mercy in My Soul (Diary), Marians of the Immaculate Conception, 1996, p. 347)

"If I can’t breathe, God will give me the strength to bear it.  I love Him!  He’ll never abandon me."  (St. Therese of Lisieux, Her Last Conversations, ICS Publications, p. 115)

"The contemplative has a special way of reading books…. he uses them as intermediaries to arrive at … that experimental knowledge of God which tastes the sweetness of His infinite goodness." (Monks of the Strict Observance, Cistercian Contemplatives, 1947, p. 54)

back in the library

Since our earlier visit to the monastery library, I’ve been thinking about how “bits of books” have stuck to me through my lifetime.  Not just quotes and ideas:  but also emotions, atmospheres, examples in the face of trials.  I learned the joy of “merging into a book” in childhood. I read about caves and wanted to explore one, read of a dog and wanted to have one. And surely I was not the only girl to see an abandoned house and picture myself as a fearless Nancy Drew venturing inside it, oblivious to cobwebs and pitfalls and bats. 

There is something besides mere enjoyment at work, however, when we read God-inspired books about God-centered lives.  The Holy Spirit (particularly when we ask Him to do so) can use what we read to call us, personally, to give our hearts more totally to Christ.  

Have you ever read a book by a saint, and yearned to love God with that person’s total abandonment?  Have you ever finished a powerful testimony only to find that the zeal and power you’ve read about has not yet finished with you?

Monastery libraries do not contain “just any books.”  They hold volumes whose contents will leave desires for virtue and charity and courage sticking to their readers.  As a cloistered heart, I want to choose carefully what bits of books are sticking to me.  What follows is the tiniest sampling of thoughts that have stuck to my spiritual bones over the years.  These help arm me with zeal and courage.  They have been used by God to make me a bit more fearless.  They help me find strength to move forward, even in the face of life’s “cobwebs and pitfalls and bats”…..

“Holiness is produced in us by the will of God and our acceptance of it.  It is not produced by intellectual speculation about it.  If we are thirsty we must have a drink and not worry about books which explain what thirst is.” (Jean Pierre de Caussade)

“If you don't try to become saints, you must be crazy.” (St. Vincent Pallotti)

“Soon we shall be in eternity and then we shall see how insignificant our worldly preoccupations were and how little it mattered whether some things got done or not; however, right now we rush about as if they were all-important.  When we were little children how eagerly we used to gather pieces of broken tiles, little sticks, and mud with which to build houses and other tiny buildings, and if someone knocked them over, how heartbroken we were and how we cried! But now we understand that these things really didn't amount to much.  One day it will be like this for us in heaven when we shall see that some of the things we clung to on earth were only childish attachments.”  (St. Francis de Sales)

in the library

While reflecting on the "library" of a cloistered heart, I came across something from an unexpected source.  I normally quote saints as we explore the inner cloister, but the following words from Anne Morrow Lindbergh are so perfect that I cannot pass them up.  When speaking of an absorbing book, Mrs. Lindbergh wrote: "You merged into it, so that when you walk out of it you still have bits of it sticking to you. You live through a thin veil of it for awhile - the way, sometimes, you live half a morning through the veil of last night's dream."  (from Bring Me a Unicorn, 1972, Harcourt Brace Jovanovich, NY, p. 225)

I find these words poignant and descriptive.  And I wonder:  what books would I like to merge into?  What writings and teachings do I want to carry with me, allowing bits of them to stick to me as I go through my day?  What examples and thoughts and ideas would I choose to "live through"... wearing them like a veil through which I meet with life?

As a cloistered heart, I desire to see and respond to every circumstance through Scripture and Church teaching.  Thankfully, there are books for this.  I have the Holy Bible to "merge into," and I do not have to do this merging on my own.  It is the Holy Spirit Who helps Scripture take root in my heart.  

I also appreciate (need! crave!) examples.  Stories in which I become absorbed.  Lives of people whose heroism, courage, and virtue slide over me like a veil.  In the next few days, I hope to visit some of these volumes, sharing ways in which they've left bits of zeal stuck to my will.  

I know each of us has stories we treasure, saints who have inspired us, people who have lit fires in our hearts.  As I share just a bit of my library with you over the next little span of time, I trust you will be thinking about what examples (not limited to books) have left bits of ______, _____ and ____  stuck to your life....

Text not in quotes © 2012 Nancy Shuman.  All Rights Reserved.
thecloisteredheart.org      

a cloister patron

It is almost the feast of St. Francis de Sales (24 January), a day I joyfully  celebrate.  Although he lived in the 1600s, St. Francis continues to teach me much about the “cloister” in which I'm privileged to find myself.  Francis lived and wrote in an age when intense devotion to Christ was considered appropriate for those in cloisters, but not so much for persons in the world.  Francis de Sales challenged this way of thinking.  He has left a rich legacy for those of us who want to live totally for God, whatever our state in life. 

St. Francis was a bishop, founder of the Order of the Visitation of Holy Mary, and he's a saint and Doctor of the Church.  He is patron of the deaf and of Catholic writers, and his own books remain (for the most part) readily available today.  Letters he wrote to his friends and spiritual directees help direct my own life 400 years later.  St. Francis de Sales is one of my most beloved patrons as I strive to cloister my heart for God.  

"Almost all those who have hitherto written about devotion have been concerned with instructing persons wholly withdrawn from the world…. My purpose is to instruct those who live in town, within families, or at court, and by their state of life are obliged to live an ordinary life as to outward appearances.”  (St. Francis de Sales, Introduction to the Devout Life).  

“A strong, resolute soul can live in the world without being infected by any of its moods, find sweet springs of piety amid its salty waves, and fly through the flames of earthly lusts without burning the wings of its holy desires for a devout life.  True, this is a difficult task, and therefore I wish that many souls would strive to accomplish it with greater ardor than has hitherto been shown.”  (Introduction to the Devout Life). 

"It is an error, or rather a heresy, to wish to banish the devout life from the regiment of soldiers, the mechanic’s shop, the court of princes, or the home of married people.” (Introduction to the Devout Life).  

“Always remember… to retire at various times into the solitude of your own heart even while outwardly engaged in discussions or transactions with others.  This mental solitude cannot be violated by the many people who surround you since they are not standing around your heart but only around your body.  Your heart remains alone in the presence of God.” (Introduction to the Devout Life).